I don’t do well with bullies.
Kowtowing just isn’t my thing.
It probably goes back to my experience in middle school where I was bullied mercilessly–or at least it felt like it.
As I remember it, over the summer I had spent some time at my aunt and uncle’s farm in North Dakota, and they wore cowboy boots for their work. And after my stint, my uncle gave me a pair of his.
I was ecstatic. They weren’t beautiful, fancy, or (quite frankly) even comfortable!! I’m not sure if cowboy boots are even supposed to be comfortable? But these boots were mine.
Over that same summer, too, my parents built an addition to our house. The contractor played country music on his boombox day in and day out. And I took a liking to it.
And with this, we had a confluence of devastating circumstances.
The Beginning
My memory says that it started the very first day, as a brand new 6th grader outside of the newly-configured middle school as we waited to be let into the building. Those awkward cowboy boots caught the attention of others–I must have been the only 6th grader, of some 250 of us, with such footwear. And that attention led to questions, intimidation, and, in my mind, bullying.
Of course, having cowboy boots on led folks to ask me if I liked country music–to which I replied that I did. This led to more laughter, and questions about which artist was my favorite.
I don’t recall who was my favorite, other than not knowing what to refer to them as. These were the days of Metallica, Guns ‘n’ Roses, and Def Leopard. None of those groups had the name of a single artist in their titles, so I just added “band” to the end of the artist’s name. Like “The George Strait Band.”
Again, more laughter. And I dug in.
I could have put on regular sneakers and tried to fit in. And I could have denied that I enjoyed country music and claimed that was just a phase.
But that was not for me–even if those cowboy boots made my feet hurt by the end of the day. I was going to be me, and bullying just made me more determined to be me. (And now we know that I was country when country wasn’t cool!)
Distaste for Bullies
So that distaste for bullies persists. I’d like to think that as we get older, we also get more mature and leave the bullying behind us. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case.
In my own work, I’ve had to confront the occasional bully. And while they may get others to bend the knee and kowtow before them, I’m not one of them. A bully who tries to threaten, intimidate, or harass me will simply not get me to comply. I have found myself, on more than one occasion, digging in and resisting.
Principle involves doing what’s right, and I stand on principle–even if it costs me emotionally, financially, or otherwise. Because justice matters. Doing what’s right matters.
And I learned that a long time ago from those middle schoolers who thought that cowboy boots and country music weren’t cool. A valuable lesson that still holds to this day.
NEW RELEASE
It’s exciting to announce that my latest book is set to publish on April 4th! It’s been a long journey, and those who follow me know that it was originally set to publish last September. So after a little delay, The Teacher Team Leader Handbook: Simple Habits to Transform Collaboration in a PLC at Work® is coming out! You can pre-order yours now, and my next two blogs will provide a brief overview of what you’ll find in it.
Do you wanna be on my launch team? Email me ([email protected]) and I’ll share more information about what’s involved.
Questions for Reflection
- What formative experiences do you draw from in making decisions today?
- Do you see examples of (adult) bullying in your environment? If so, how might you counter that?
- What principles are non-negotiable for you?
Rib Review
I didn’t have ribs from a new place this month. It was Jethro’s, a place we frequently frequent. A local chain in the Des Moines area, we went to the one in Altoona, and they were just a little tougher than usual. But as I regularly say, there’s no such thing as bad ribs!
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